My Baby Audrianna

1-19-13 

5a.m (so sorry if it doesn't all make sense, I'm still on pain meds...and it's 5a.m.)

(quick side notes: I am sooo glad I had my maternity shoot two days before instead of waiting a couple more weeks like I was going to!  And I was supposed to have my baby shower yesterday, and Audrianna was born 1 hour before the shower was to take place.  Bless Marissa and Chelsey for going ahead and holding the party for me!  I told them go ahead and just have fun and think of us.  It was too late by the time I knew I'd be having her to cancel anyway.  Thanks to all those who attended.)

This pregnancy was different, the delivery was also different.  We welcomed our baby into the world yesterday at about 5pm.  Audrianna Kathleen Call.   5 weeks early at 4lbs. 8 oz 16 inches long.  Via c-section – thank goodness sometimes for modern medicine.  Ashton was able to be in the room with me this time!  It was so nice to have him there.  I was quite emotional, not being quite prepared to have her, not having known when I went in for my Dr. apt at 10am that I would be having her.  (otherwise I would have packed my hospital bag! Lol!)  I had started having what felt like menstrual cramping about 9:30pm the night before, with some strange pressure in the vaginal area, but shook it off because I knew I was going into the Dr.’s the next morning.  I continued having a couple weird cramping spells and told Ashton this, but still ignored it for the most part.  Right before my Dr. apt I went to drop something off to school for Aspen and when I got out of the car, I had another strange cramp but it felt like something was coming out my vagina (TMI – I know…sorry!) it was just some strange pressure.  When I got inside the gal at the desk and the principal joked about me being in the wrong place to have my baby.  I jokingly said I was on the way to the hospital right now to have it, then explained I really wasn’t, I was just on my way to an apt.  No way I wasn’t having her yet, it was still way early.  Little did I know!  When I got to my apt I was still feeling strange and explained this.  They tested me, found I was laboring, and sent me upstairs to labor and delivery to have the contractions stopped and “get me sent on my way home to wait a couple more weeks”  Well, they tried 3 different medications to stop the contractions and they just weren’t going to stop.  Finally, after hours and hours of waiting for them to stop and checking me and finding I still wasn’t dialating, and my cervix still was completely closed which baffled them with how strong my contractions were, the Doctor came in and said we didn’t want to end up with another birth like I did with Aspen.  We both stressed and it ended badly for both of us.  Most on that later.

So they said I wasn’t going home, I would be having my baby and call my husband to have him come.  So she was on her way.  Ashton and my father in law gave me a blessing before I went in to have her and I could feel my Fathers precence.  I felt for a brief moment that he was there with me.  I wish it hadn’t passed so quickly, but it brought tears to my eyes.  I knew he was there with me, and it comforted me tremendously.  I was a nervous wreck by this time, worrying about her coming so soon and not being prepared.  Afterall, I had my whole month planned out with everything to do before she came.  What to clean, pack, plan.  Well that all went out the window. 

I didn’t remember as much as I thought I did about the c-section part.  My nerves got the best of me and I had a freak out moment after the epidural when I just felt strange and claustrophobic.  I thought for a second I was surely dying.  I know.  Dramatics.  But everything was happening before I felt ready and it put me into freak out mode.   I didn’t feel any pain, other than a shortness of breath that they said was normal, but I felt a TON of pressure.  She was sideways, and squished.  My lumbar apparently is very far forward the Dr. said, making it part of the reason I can’t have the babies vaginally.  my babies are pushed too far up and forward. (Dr. Kristin Craig) said that my uterus was very very thin.  She said she was glad we were delivering the baby because if we would have waited and I kept laboring, my c-section scar from before would have ruptured.  Ick.  She said I will probably be able to have one more baby.  That was sad for me.  Only one more?  What if I wanted more?  We will see. Miracles happen.  But she said all my babies are most likely to be preterm babies who end up in the NICU.  Another ick. 

I only got to see my baby a short minute, they held her up for me to see and rushed her to be worked on.  I fretted the whole time.  She had a really great loud cry though.  Strong lungs at first but them she started to weaken.  The took her to the NICU and I went into recovery where I had all my meltdowns.  My emotions were all over the place.  I probably sounded crazy.  Ashton was able to go with her to the NICU and stay with her while I was recovering.

1^st meltdown: I feel weird

2^nd meltdown: “I’m so sorry I had her early” repeated over and over to the nurses.  They had a good laugh at me I’m sure.

3^rd meltdown: I just wanted to stay pregnant!  I have liked this pregnancy and enjoyed having her kicking and moving around inside my tummy.  I loved having her presence so close.

4^th meltdown: not being able to be with my baby right after

5^th meltdown: feeling guilt over  her coming early…as if I had any control over it, but I still felt like maybe there should have been something I could have done to stop it.

6^th meltdown” when they took me by the NICU to see her and she was hooked up to all sorts of machines helping her breathe and I couldn’t get out of the bed to really see her because I was still under drugs and my legs were still numb, so I could only get close enough to see her foot and touch her foot.  When they wheeled me out of her room to take me to mine, I started dry heaving and felt like I was going to throw up.  Everything hit me at once and I just started sobbing. 

Yes.  I was an emotional wreck.  I forgot that so many emotions come with having a baby. I felt like I was going a little crazy, because I don’t usually get emotional, or cry, but I guess it’s all part of the fun.  Ok, that’s all I can write today, more another day.  Glad I have great family taking care of Aspen, she got to go to Uncle Shariks house and spend the night.