almost 34 weeks!

Time is still going here.  Day by Day - just enjoying my couch vacation.  The ward has still been awesome and taking care of us day by day.

At my next appointment I'm going to see if I'm far enough along to get off bedrest and just let her come if she is ready to, because my body is exhausted from being pregnant.  Seems to get a littler sicker each week.  My heart has been racing and my circulation has been awful (purple toes) from having so many contractions.  I'm glad we have been able to hold off this long, but I'm about ready to just let my body do what it wants to do.

Audri's new word is GO!  She's been singing "let it go" for a while now, but now she signs "let's go" and says it so darn cute and demanding.  Or she will tell us to "go" if we are bugging her :)  She is getting full of attitude and I can tell she is getting close to 2 - she's getting busy and demanding. She also moved into a "big girl" bed tonight.  We will see how that goes.

Aspen has parent teacher conferences the other day and Ashton said the teacher said she is really great and above average in everything.  She is also reading at a 6th grade level in 3rd grade.  I'm super proud of her.  She is so smart she keeps us busy.

The baby moves.  A lot.  And I have acid reflux.  A lot.  I'm getting to the end of my patience.  I wish I was like other mothers I know who are so patient and happy to let the baby go as long as they want to go.  I am not unselfish enough.  Otherwise I'd stay on bedrest the whole time :)

I asked the Dr why they delivered Audri so soon when I was actually feeling well with her and didn't even KNOW I was in labor and she wasn't stressing, and not delivering this one even though I've been sick and miserable.  She said hospital policy has changed in the past year.  It use to be that if someone who previously had a c-section was continuously having contractions they were to deliver them and not let them keep contracting.  To make sure the c-section scar didn't rupture.  Well now they have changed policy to be to let the mother keep laboring as long as the baby isn't showing any signs of stress until the mother dilates or her water breaks.  Seems strange to me, but I guess they found that letting the baby have more time to develop before being born was better then the risk of rupturing.  So weird, and interesting.  So we wait.  Till I dilate, or baby (Ava Lynn we are thinking) starts showing signs of distress.

32 weeks

Well we have made it to 32 weeks.  The last three weeks have been not so fun.  I can't stand not being able to do things.  Ward members come over and sit with me to "babysit" I mean, visit with me and keep me company throughout the day.  They come in shifts and help watch Audri. I have now as of yesterday been into labor and delivery 4 times to slow my labor.  I say slow, because all the meds they have given me to STOP labor, haven't worked.  But it slows the contractions at least.  Last night I went in throwing up and having contractions every 2 mins.  it was miserable.  Everytime they put meds in my IV, I start freaking out.  I start getting anxiety and it makes my head and legs feel really weird for a while and I have a freak out moment.  Poor Ashton.  Last night I finally told them no more meds, and I was going home, I was so done trying.  So they sent me home on strict bedrest instead of moderate.  Boo.  I hate just laying around, at least before I could go on drives and walk around.  Fall is my favorite season and I feel like I'm missing it.

Baby is still doing great, she's got a great heart beat and she is very healthy so far.  I miss playing with my girls though.  Poor audri just has to watch pbs show after pbs show.  She is so much fun.  I love love her.  Aspen has been a huge helper and I love her sweet little helpful spirit.

Ashton has been so sweet.  He works long hard hours and comes home and takes care of me and the girls.  I am so thankful for him.  I love him so much.

My mom went in for surgery on Monday for a hysterectomy poor lady. She is a trooper and healing very well.  She felt bad going to get surgery while I'm on bedrest, but I wanted her to take care of herself, so I encouraged she go get it done.   And she's already feeling better.

Not being able to do my photoshoots this month has really made me so sad.  I miss shooting, and I miss my fall shoots.  I don't want to be a cry baby, but this has been tough.  But it will be worth it. Hopefully I can keep her cooking a few more weeks so she can be healthy and well.

when on bed rest....you can play a lot of journal catch up

yes.  I'm on bedrest - 29.5 weeks and I'm on fun forced couch/bed vacation time.  We knew it was a chance we were taking having another baby that it would be premature, so my Doctor Kristen Craig started me on steroid shots for the babies lungs 2 weeks ago.  That should help her do better when she comes early.  I just have anxiety about having an early baby because I don't want her to be unhealthy, or anything to go wrong during the delivery.  But I'm trying to stay positive.  I'm not the type that does well laying around doing nothing.  Even when I watch movies I am usually cleaning or doing something else at the same time.  I feel like I'm whining.  I really am just grateful to be having another little one, and I will be so happy if she is just healthy, and I will do what I can to keep her in as long as I can so she has a better chance.  Thank goodness for my wonderful mom, she has been taking care of Audri for me - and I know she doesn't always feel great or have much energy herself.  She is the most sacrificing lady I know.  If I didn't have her - I don't know how I would survive life.  She gives up so much of her time to take care of her children and her childrens children.  I love her more then life.

Well, to play catch up.  I did take Audri to a new Dr.  We went to Dr. Visick and I liked him very well - what the last Dr. said was heat rash - he said was eczema and he gave me some cream for it and it's getting better. What the last Dr. wouldn't even check (her coughing and not eating problem, and not sleeping) Dr. Visick said lets try her on allergy medicine - and she stopped coughing, started sleeping, and started eating.  If her last Dr. had just listened to me, and checked her, maybe we could have solved this problem earlier.  Dr. Visick also said he thought she may have Viral induced Asthma meaning that she shows an asthma problem when she has a virus, even though she doesn't have asthma.  So when she gets viruses, we can put her on a breathing treatment to see if it helps her get well faster.  It was so nice to get some answers and not just be told I'm not feeding my kid.

Audri has been so much fun since she is feeling better.  She is growing too fast, and she says so much now.  She can't always be understood, but it's sure cute to listen to.  I need to pull my camera out and catch her on video more.

she signs(and says the words):
please
thank you
more
again
done/finished
eat
home - this is one of my favorites that she says - it is so sweet!
shoes
drink

Aspen loves school. She is doing awesome and likes her teacher.  She is a big helper, loves to be cuddled, and loves people.  She is an attention getter the little stink.  She will put on a show for anyone.   If she wasn't a sweet girl she would drive me crazy :)  She loves to play games and I'm amazed at how quickly she picks up on card games.  She loves to read.  She is so good at reminding me every morning that we need to listen to scriptures and say prayers.  I'm so proud of her.  She is a good girl - I love having a big girl that can help me out.

Ashton has been enjoying his sail boat.  He goes out bright and early on the weekends so he can get back home and spend time with the family.  I'm so glad he has had this activity to do, he's really been enjoying it.  I love him, he has been taking such amazing care of me and the girls and he works so hard.  I couldn't ask for a more amazing dad for my girls, he is seriously the best.  He spends so much time with them, and he loves them so much.  Right now he is out on the boat fishing with Aspen.  I'm so glad he spends so much time being a wonderful caring dad.

Labor Day 2014

Ashton stayed home this year for Labor Day instead of joining his buddy Jim for their annual boys getaway.  I don't know that he had as much fun stuck with me and the girls, but we made the most of it.  We started the morning out on his sail boat at Hyrum Dam. Aspen loves  it, but Audri hates it because she has to wear her life jacket.  There wasn't much wind to work with, but it was fun anyway.  After that we went home and took a little nap, then took the girls to the Jump zone so they could get their energy out.  Audri is free, so it's always nice to give them a little play time there.  After that we went home for 2nd naps (always love to squeeze in a little nap time) then we got milk shakes and drove to Porcupine Dam.  It was really pretty and a fun drive. The girls were really good, they got along well and they weren't too whiny.  Audri usually hates the car and cries a bit when driving, but we had a good day.  I enjoyed having Ashton home with us :)

July journal entries

July sucked.  Like super sucked.  I am SO glad it is over.  Ashton was gone to army all month, the kids had gotten some immunizations at the end of June, and my super healthy rarely get a cold baby Audri ended up being sick the whole month of July - like so sick to the point of having to be put on a nebulizer to breathe better.  I'm sure her body was just regulating the stupid immunizations or whatever, but whatever it was just sucked.  And I was having bad contractions.  And no husband.  And I was depressed. So many melt downs - which is so unlike me.  One night after I'd been at the emergency room with Audri till 5 in the morning because she wasn't breathing well, and she wouldn't let me put her down, and she had a fever, and she had aspirated some water, the bishop and his wife stopped in to bring me cookies and say hello, and they walked in the door and I just broke down crying.  They didn't know anything that had been going on.  My house was a mess, I was in pajamas, Audri had been crying for hours.  They came in, took Audri away with them for two hours so I could have a little time to get some work done and breathe.  It helped so much.  And then for the next two weeks, bless people in my ward - food just started showing up everyday.  I am usually too proud to accept the help, but boy was I thankful for it, since I didn't have anything left in me.  Oh July, I never want a month like you again.

August has been better.  I think Audri has allergies or asthma or both.  Some days now she is fine and then she will have a few days of coughing and runny nose, then be fine the next day.  Her doctor we have had since she was born (and Aspens) I have decided to never return to.  He pissed me off.  In a bad way.  He was so rude to me when I took Audri in and told him I wanted her tested for Asthma or allergies and what did I need to do - he wouldn't even talk about it - all he wanted to talk about was how she was losing a lot of weight, and what am I feeding her, and am I making sure she is eating, his tone was so rude, and when I said she eats when she isn't sick like she's been, all he said was "well the physical tests show otherwise" he wouldn't even discuss with me that duh! she's been sick! and thats why I'm here bringing her to you!! Oh boy was I upset with him.  I walked out of there and found another Dr.  Tomorrow the new Dr. is doing testing on her to see what is going on, thank goodness someone is willing to listen to me.  Because my super happy sweet girl hasn't been as super happy and sweet because she isn't feeling well. Hopefully we get some answers.

The new baby moves a lot now.  She rolls and kicks and it's so fun.  I'm kind of sad this is my last time to feel this.  I wish I could bottle it up :)  Other then the sickness and pains here and there, (and the weight gain) I enjoy being pregnant :) Next week they will give me a shot to develop her lungs quicker in case she comes early like the other two.

Aspen started 3rd grade and is loving it.  She is such a social girl, she thrives on school and friends.  And she likes school work - so glad she isn't like I was :)  She is a smart sassy girl...we are working on the sassy part - before she drives her mom insane.

Ashton has been busy working, and he bought a little fixer up sail boat he's been working on every spare minute he gets.  It's good for him to have something to work on.  He took me out on it for the first time last weekend and it was a lot of fun - peaceful and nice to be out on the water.

I've been going through ups and downs a lot lately...I imagine it's pregnancy hormones.  And I need to work on my self esteem :)  oh the constant battle.  I get lonely sometimes.  I'm not a huge friend person because honestly I have so many insecurities about myself and struggle feeling comfortable getting to know people, and all my friends live away now since Michelle moved, so I don't talk to many people.  I have a friend who has started walking with me 2 times a week and that keeps me sane.  It's nice to have an adult to talk to.  Maybe I'm just freaking out about having a toddler and baby...and I'm tired.  so tired all the time. And I have pregnancy brain.

Well that's about it going on with us right now, hopefully life gets a little more exciting and fun around here soon...or less and I get some sleep - that would be alright too.

It's a GIRL!

I really need to work on updating my "journal" here more often. I've been busy being pregnant and squeezing every ounce of sleep out of my body that I can :) And yes! We are having another GIRL! I am soooo excited! I always thought it was cute that a gal I babysat for in Newton just had 3 cute girls, and I always thought I wouldn't mind that too. Ashton is excited too, he says at least he knows he loves baby girls already haha. I'm sure I will have times when I will wonder what it would have been like to have a boy, but I'm excited for my girls and for Audri to have a little play mate. I get ultrasounds almost every single month, and last month the Dr. said she was 70% sure it was a boy, and going into my last ultrasound the Tech started out saying yep, looks like a boy, but the more she got the baby to move, the more we realized, the baby just had her hand between her legs :) once she moved it, it was for sure a girl! She started moving around this month (5 mths) but isn't a big mover. I haven't been sick with this pregnancy, just really tired all the time. Audri updates: she has peed in the toilet 2 times...but I can't get her to do it again. She finally sleeps through the night, she is sweet sweet! She makes us all laugh and smile. She makes anyone who meets her smile. She is a happy baby. She has learned to sign please and thank you and all done. She says pretty much everything, but it's not super understandable, she likes to mimic lots of things we say. She LOVES her daddy. As soon as he gets home, she runs to him. She has learned to pat my tummy when we ask where the baby is :) She eats. ALL the time. ALL the time! Aspen is enjoying summer, going to little camps here and there, playing with cousins, and dancing, rollerblading and riding her bike a lot. She is such a busy girl and I hardly ever see her she keeps so busy. Her mind is constantly running with ideas. She is a huge helper with her little sister. She was hoping for a baby brother, but I think she is warming up to the idea of a girl. Ashton and I have just been busy busy working. Not much else this summer yet. No fun plans or anything. As soon as I get caught up I will blog Aspen's awesome 8 year old Harry Potter party :) Well thats about it for now, I wish I was a more consistent up dater. I need to work on it.

Growing up

My baby is growing way too fast!  Both of them!  Aspen is a HUGE helper with her baby sister.  She is quick to play with her and make her laugh.  And Audri adores her.  Every morning she looks forward to seeing her.  Audri is starting to mimic words - she doesn't say a whole lot we understand yet, but she sure tries.  Her favorite word is still Dad.  She loves her daddy the best.  They are pals.  She doesn't snuggle me much, but she will snuggle her daddy.  She has said: dad, mama (only a couple times :( ) , please, yes, sisa (sister)

She loves binkies and blankies and shoes.  She understands words really well and can go get me just about anything I ask for.  She is super sweet.  She smiles at EVERYONE!  She can be all upset and grumpy but as soon as someone smiles at her she smiles back.  She really doesn't get grumpy much, she is a very happy baby and we couldn't feel more blessed.  She is the sweetest little thing and makes our home happy.  When she is ready for bed she wants a bottle and will head right to her bed to put herself to sleep.  When she is ready to sleep she is ready to sleep and doesn't cry about being put down.  She still doesn't sleep through the night (probably because I don't have the heart to make her cry herself to sleep or the patience since our house is so tiny we hear her for hours...)  This is about the only time she cries much though, so I put up with it since she is such an easy child the rest of the time.

She loves her grandma and Aunt Shenla and loves our daily visits we take to grandmas house.  (I usually like to try to steal a nap at grandmas while she plays with the baby!)

And I'm pregnant.  Again.  much sooner then we ever thought it would happen.  We were sure we would have to do fertility again, but we are excited.  This is probably the last one though...according to the Dr.  She doesn't recommend anyone pregnancy's for me, and Ashton says we have to listen to her.  Boo.  Other then morning sickness feeling I love being pregnant.  

Ashton and I took a cruise in March for a week - the first time just he and I have gone on a vacation together since we got married 9 years ago.  We had a fabulous time and I would take another cruise anyday, they are the best way to travel!!  I loved it.  I loved my time with Ashton.  

Aspen is doing good and loving Activity Days now that she is 8 - and I'm an activity leader so we get to go enjoy it together.  She is fun to watch grow up - she is so smart!  She loves reading - she and her dad read Harry Potter together every night and after they finish a book we watch the movie as a family together.  She loves it.  It's so cute to watch her getting interested in things.  She does ballet, and she loves playing with cousins and friends and writing books.  She keeps us on our toes!

Ashton is just working his butt off.  He works hard, and he is super smart.  I'm a lucky girl.  I have had photoshoots here and there, but I'm trying to take it easy and enjoy being mommy...it goes too fast.

I did get accepted to be part of NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation) where you get calls to go take photos when a baby is going to pass away at the hospital, I was really excited to be accepted and I'm excited to be a part of this wonderful organization.  it's terribly sad, but so needed.  If you don't know anything about it, check it out here: 

https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/